Category Archives: Thoughts

Sugar We’re Going Down

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Asking me to be your girlfriend through text
Nuff said.

Young and stupid (at least in my case)
We were in high school, and hormones were soaring. I was drunk at the thought that we were graduating and moving on with our lives, going to different colleges, on different regions. You weren’t stupid, I knew that. It was you who asked me, and I just said ‘yes’ because maybe I was stupid. “Will you be my girlfriend?” “Yes.” I wasn’t thinking things through, I didn’t consider the consequences, I was just living in the moment.

20,000 leagues apart
Distance (absence) makes the heart grow fonder. That was what I kept telling myself. I was hoping you believed in the same thought, but I realized that absence, or distance, only makes the heart forget, explore alternatives, makes you find something, or someone, to fill the gap.

Me vs. Ex
You said you liked me, that we could happen. But then you said the same thing to her two days after you told me that.

A secret affair
We would date, talk about movies, especially those from graphic novels. We would have intellectual debates over beer, appreciate art, talk about Chris Nolan, talk about anything. I was happy, you were happy. But I was the mistress. I was your “girlfriend” only in school, and when you went home, there was your “real girlfriend”; the girlfriend you introduced to your mother. The sneakiness of our relationship was exciting, it was something new for me. But we, or rather I, had to put a cork on it. I felt guilty, wrong, dirty. I felt that you were being unfair, to me, and especially to her. Maybe in another universe, we had worked it out.

I may be the girl in front of you, but she was the one in your mind
Even though you told me I was funny, nice, sweet, and awesome – even if I was all the positive superlatives in the universe, I could never be that girl you think of. I can never compete with that girl. She was what he dreams of every night, and I’m just… me.

Me vs. Ex part two
It’s funny because your friends from before were rooting for you and your ex to go back together again, (cue “Muling ibalik ang tamis ng pag-ibig) while our friends were rooting for us to be together. I felt like an option, and what I wanted (in my mind) was to be the choice. At least, we’re still friends and who knows what could happen…

Fooling around with me… And her, and her
I did not understand myself why I tolerated those sexy texts and sneaky meet ups. Even worse, I knew the other girls you were “playing” with. If the call is after two thirty, it’s for the dirrrrrty. – Han, 2 Broke Girls. Aaaaand worst, I know that he is in love with another girl, yet he just can’t do the things we do, with her.

Bi now, gay later

Should I even explain this?

It was a fun ride with him, and even though we now ogle at the same sex, we are still great friends. Shopping buddies!!

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A Different Kind of May

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So April is approaching its end, and here comes May. It’s my other favorite month (December is the other one). Why, you may ask? Well it’s my birth month, and May means summer (aka dry season) in the Philippines; ergo BEACH!! Birthday, beach, gifts, money $$, booze, more beach, more gifts, birthday cake… I could die at the end of next month.

But that’s not all that’ll be happening. The title says “a different kind of may”, so if you would let me explain, here goes…

  • It’s the first time I will be teaching little kids how to swim. Officially. I’ve been teaching my cousins and some friends how to swim since, ever, but this year it’s kind of different because my “students” will be strangers. I’m totally excited because 1) I love to swim and I’d love to share the passion 2) I love teaching. So yeah, first awesome thing!
  • I’m going to Davao City, which makes me so giddy. I will get to see the awesomeness of my friends’ hometown, plus I could go visit them. Hopefully I can find a spot in my schedule to go to Karlos’ coffee shop and hang out with Rev.
  • I will be diving. Again. It’s been so long since my last dive (a year ago?), and I can’t wait to get to the dive camp. One more thing different about this: we will go there twice. Awesome awesome awesome
  • I have to renew my driver’s license, hence I can finally change that stupid mugshot of mine. I promise I will smile on this picture. I don’t wanna look like a criminal. I can’t believe I’ve been “legally” driving for three years now, the years before that were, of course, illegal haha.

So far, these are the only sure ones that are going to happen. But I still have a reunion to organize, and a birthday bash to plan, so yeah, I’ll be really, really busy. Oooooooh I forgot to mention, I’ll be watching the Playoffs too (begins April 29).

Bye for now.

P.S. I hope my mother doesn’t kill me when she sees the current state of my hair. Image

(4 weeks ago)

Image

(3 weeks ago)

I can’t find pictures from 2 weeks ago and last week, but I my hair color has mutated, AGAIN. huuuuuu :3

Writing Skills, in Search Of

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I have never imagined myself drafting a blog-to-be in a windows notepad. I have always put my thoughts on paper first, before publishing it on the vast abyss of the internet, where it could be copy-pasted, or snipped-and-edited by someone into a sentence with a different structure, but with the same thought, and make it theirs.

I envy people who can write constantly, and still entertain their readers; Jessica Zafra, Bob Ong, some of my friends, daily bloggers, project 365 (or whatever). They seem to have an endless stream of words to write, and they can easily put their thoughts into the typewritten symbols. I believe that could be my problem, I can’t put my thoughts into words; seems like what Mr. Leading Guy would say to his Ms. Leading Lady, but really, I sometimes have difficulty expressing what I have in mind. Which leads me to being misunderstood or doing a wrong interpretation of what I was really thinking about.

Writing they say is the easiest medium to show thoughts, but it seems that writing and I just don’t go well together. I try at times, and fail most of the time.

Wishful Thinking

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drowning

This photo was taken 2 years ago on my birthday. I got 2 cakes and I got wet. Kiddie-pool party was the bomb!

Below is a list of things I want (not just on my birthday, but in general).
Please forgive me for being too hopeful; libre lang mangarap

Green oxford shoes (8-9)
A bouquet of my favorite flowers (find out what it is)
Christopher Kane RTW Gorilla Dress
Artemis Fowl The Time Paradox
Maybeline Gel Eye Liner
Sebato top sider for women (blue or yellow 8.5-9)
Sony Ericsson Xperia 11
Ipod Touch with cam
Loreo 3D Analog Camera
Golden Half Lomo Camera
Nike Women Monica Bag
Snorkel Gear (with fins 7)
Kung Fu Shoes!!!!
Wacoal Seamless Bra (black 38B)
Twisted Bandeau Bikini Top
2TB portable external hard drive
Ray-ban 3016 Club Master Sun Glasses
Nike 6.0 High Dunks All Black or White and Silver (39)
Vitamin A
Nike Grind Men’s Hoodie or Zalt and Peppa Full Zip Light Concord Hoodie
Ray Bans Original Wayfarers
Aviator Shades
Leather Bomber Jacket
Van Hiker Skate Shoes
Sheath Dress with Bow Belt (for more 1920’s look)
Bowler’s Hat
Bowler Shoes
Louboutin Zhora Pumps (Drool)
Giantic2x pizza (Calda’s)
Twix Cheesecake
Puppy (Chow chow or huskie male)
Heineken Beer Keg with spray hose
A box of 50’s of 35mm Fuji Superia 36-Roll
Sprocket Rocket
Photoscanner
Piano
Zenit-E Neck Strap
Maroon 5 concert tickets (kahit hindi VIP)
Vans Basic Slip-ons (8.5-9)
Wallet
Running gear (jersey top and running shorts)
Nike sports bra
Lots of foot socks
A UP (or any kind) hoodie
A necklace
A collar for my dog
Varsity Jacket
Plane ticket to New York or Africa
Unlimited supply of lancets for my mum
HTC 7 Mozart Windows Phone
Condo Unit
Beach Party
Love

the things listed above would be greatly appreciated, but I would encourage you to please sponsor a child with World Vision Philippines or mag Gawad Kalinga na lang tayo instead of giving me something material. We could also donate blood simultaneously :)))))))

Prom

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dance

nanginginig na mga kamay
puso kong di mapalagay
pwede ba kitang tabihan
kahit na may iba ka nang kasama

ito na ang gabing di malilimutan
dahan-dahan tayong nagtinginan

parang ating ang gabi
para bang wala tayong katabi
at tayo’y sumayaw
na parang di na tayo bibitaw
bibitaw

nalalasing sa iyong tingin
di malaman laman ang gagawin
habang lumalamim ang gabi
ay lumalapit ang ating mga labi

ito na ang gabing di malilimutan
tayo’y naglakad ng dahan-dahan

parang atin ang gabi
para bang wala tayong katabi

at tayo’y sumayaw
na parang di na tayo bibitaw
bibitaw

matapos man ang sayaw
pangakong di ka bibitaw

parang atin ang gabi
parang atin ang gabi
parang atin ang gabi
para bang wala tayong katabi
at tayo’y sumayaw
na parang di na tayo bibitaw

parang atin ang gabi
para bang wala tayong katabi
at tayo’y sumayaw
na parang di na tayo bibitaw
di na tayo bibitaw

-Sugarfree

This post was meant to be published during the prom season. But I got caught up with lots of work. But anyway here goes: This entry is a) dedicated to Sugarfree, just because I miss you and your songs b) dedicated to myself for keeping my promise not to love anyone more than I loved you.

I still think of you and me, us, together. And I know it is quite impossible that we get back together, but I would like to plug the giant elephant in the room. I have moved on, or I thought I have, but it seems that you still hold me back. I found a word for this; RAZBLIUTO – the sentimental feeling you have about someone you once loved but no longer do.

I assure you the romance has died out (for my part), but I can’t seem to let go of the memories we shared, or at least keep it dormant at the back of my brain.

Sorry if this was long, and I can’t find a good way to finish this, so yeah, I’m just gonna stop, right here.